Wednesday, March 4, 2015

March Forth!

159 days ago today, I went and broke m’brain,
I did it on a Slip n’ Slide without resounding pain.
Although it got real bright, and I felt my noodle hit,
I figured I’d be ok, and I continued to get lit.

I was camping on a farm, in the middle of PA,
with some radaroni folk, who concert there annually.
That night I back up sang, and shot potato guns,
in the day, and through the night, alla it was tons-o’-fun!

A few days after that, with pain that failed to leave,
my doc proclaimed: I was concussed, “stay off electronics and breathe!”
So I did as I was told, and went cold turkey from my ‘screens,’
but the Saturday morning next, I awoke in screams…

Awaking from my slumber, (and writhing in the bed),
I ran to barf repeatedly, from the pain searing in my head.
Amid my pain I thought, “would I rather birth a kid?”
When the answer was an undoubtful YES, the ER’s just what we did.

Arriving at the hospital, I was scrunched up like a troll,
I was weak from all the pain, and handed a barfing bowl.
After a firing line of questions, and a CAT scan to my head,
“an Acute Subdural Hematoma, is what you’ve got,” doc said.

“Is that bad?” I asked him, while he gripped my hand and frowned.
“Well…an ambulance will be here in 5.” Dude wasn’t messing around.
A moment after that, he & my husband stepped out to talk.
They whispered behind the ugly curtain, and I knew that I was fucked.

I was loaded on a gurney by 3 medics donning flight gear.
My nurse came and kissed my face, and said “Oh you poor, sweet dear.”
Speeding through my town, and then en route to Philly,
we made it to UPenn and the ICU got all ready.

I was there about a week with tests about every 2 hours,
stuffed with tubes, and tied to machines, (having crippled mental powers).
I suffered seizures, scans, injections, and swings of every mood,
I even made it out alive, despite the hospital food.

The first two weeks at home, I wore a helmet of thick foam,
this prevented my toddler-boy from impacting on my dome.
I don’t remember much then, spotty moments at best…
Like: I couldn’t read my kids bedtime books when they laid upon my chest.

Every pixel was blinding, many sounds so ear piercing,
it was difficult to be near my babes, unless the two were sleeping.
TV was not allowed. No computers, books, or bright lights.
When I wasn’t wearing an eye mask, I stared at the ceiling most nights.

But one thing I could do, was think and think and think.
I thought about the world I knew, and why I had this brink.
About week three or so, I started books on tape!
I listened to music too, and took salt baths to heal my aches.

When 5 weeks came around, I was cleared to take slow walks,
around my neighborhood, but no more than just 3 blocks!
All this was sooo profound: me who rarely before asked
for help of any kind, cuz here I’d been forced to sit on my ass.

As every day went by, for sure there were ups and downs,
but I made it a daily point to feel more appreciation than frowns.
For this is the life I have—the only one I’ve got,
and through hell or Slip n’ Slide water, I’m gonna reflect what time has taught.

The depth of what had happened, often swirled in my braising thoughts,
But you’ll be damn sure I knew of the rare second chance I got.
Most moments as I laid there from day one to this moment in time,
I’m gonna carve out a more meaningful future for my kids & I to shine.

Now when I get stressed out, (and want to chuck half my house in the street),
I try to remember when I stopped breathing in my gurney, and I knew that fate I’d meet.
The moments I wanted to quite literally die (from the suffering I was in),
was forced to battle with the future that I sought with “blood” & “by-heart” kin.

Now with gratitude in my soul, and aspiration in my chest,
I will not be put to pasture, my laurels now find unrest. 
I plan to cultivate the “me,” that I've always wanted to see,
I know I'll fail, seek more, and soar, with fervent authenticity. 

I still can't drive much at night: feels like my retinas will rip—
or stand too long, bend or walk quite straight, from the sciatica in my hip. 
But you know what I CAN do? I can plan and plot and sew!
I can live a more present & ambitious kind-of-life,
(*It took my scare to grow)!

1 comment:

shop DLK said...

this is amazing. you are amazing too.